i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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