I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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