margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
