I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
