"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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