i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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