Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
