What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
