allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
