he puts the penis in happiness.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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