He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
