I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
