my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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