I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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