wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
