Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
