he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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