if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
