Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
