I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
