Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
