there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
