I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
