just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
