she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
