Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
