We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
