His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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