hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
