He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
