Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
