That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He passed out mid-signature
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
