i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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