Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
