i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
