i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
