New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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