***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
