Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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