I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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