He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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