im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
