I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
