Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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