so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
