Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
