he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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