By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
