actually, I'm a sock model
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
