You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
